


eighteen (i wish i didn't fall in love)

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, idk how tags work oOps lmao, jungwoo is mentioned, this is crappy but im proud of it shut up, wannabe angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 10:52:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15705771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: mark doesn't want to miss yukhei -- he really doesn't. so tell him why -- why out of all people -- he just has to miss the older despite the sins he's committed to mark's fragile heart.





	eighteen (i wish i didn't fall in love)

Tattered pictures and worn-down sharpie markings were all Mark could think about. His mind wouldn't move from the fact that all those pictures -- those  _memories_ \-- would never be able to be relived. 

 

He could hear words from the pictures. He could remember conversations between him and the other, varying from "Is pineapple on pizza good?" to "Do aliens exist?" He couldn't help but smile, remembering the other's sparkling eyes and amazed body language he'd have speaking about those topics. 

 

He hated the sole thought of such a thing, but  _fuck_ \-- Mark missed Yukhei. 

 

He missed them laying on a hill at night and gazing up at the stars, hand in hand and silent. He missed the way that he'd catch Yukhei staring at him, admiring the so-called "work of art" that he had found for himself. He missed hearing Yukhei whisper under his breath, only meant for the Canadian to hear, " _I love you_." 

 

Mark missed the diner dates, just the two of them sitting at a booth with eighties music playing in the hazy backdrop. He missed how excited Yukhei would get at the plain sight of a milkshake, how he'd look just like a puppy. 

 

Mark really, really,  _really_ missed Yukhei. 

 

And now, all he had was a stupid scrapbook filled with tattered pictures and worn-down sharpie markings that loosely held such precious memories. All he could do now was go through the thinning pages and wearing lamination and hope that they would somehow make him happier; hope that they could heal them. 

 

But they couldn't, and Mark didn't have the heart to admit it. 

 

He had known his naive eighteen year-old heart was fragile back then, and he had known that his very first relationship couldn't have lasted very long. But, witch unrealistically high hopes, he made himself believe that Yukhei loved him just as much as he loved Yukhei. 

 

So when the older had confessed that he had developed feelings for somebody else and had multiple affairs with them, Mark could feel every tiny bit of his heart crack and shatter. He had thought that his ears were playing a trick on him -- Yukhei couldn't  _possibly_ cheat on him, right? 

 

But he did, and Mark's tiny, little, eighteen year-old heart had remained cracked and shattered, now twenty years-old and worn-down. 

 

Three knocks on wood pulled him out of his mind, and Mark quickly shut his scrapbook tight and stuffed it under a nearby chair, uselessly wishing it would keep his feelings under the chair too. 

 

It took him less than ten steps to get to his door, damn his tiny apartment. He opened his door weakly and almost gasped at who it was that he saw. 

 

"...Mark?" 

 

The younger's breath hitched, and he nodded slowly, fingers trembling with something he thought was confusion and anger. 

 

The honey-haired boy sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Listen, Mark, I know you probably don't want to see me right now-" 

 

"I  _don't_ ," Mark deadpanned, his facial expression crossing somewhere in between the line of emotionless and pissed. "Please go away." 

 

"Mark, I just want to say I'm sorry." 

 

"Sorry doesn't cut it. I'm not looking for a five-lettered half-hearted shit apology about something that happened over a year ago." 

 

Yukhei stared down at the other with wide eyes. Mark had pondered whether he saw tears in the elder's eyes or if it was just the dimmed light reflecting off of his pupils. "Please," he said in a hushed tone, almost whispering, "just let me apologize. The fact that I haven't talked to you since has been haunting me every night, and as much as I understand every reason why you want me to go away for forever, I really just want you to listen to me. Then, I can leave your life for forever and you won't have to listen to me ever again." 

 

Mark's eyes softened, but his lips remained in a strict, thin line. "You can't apologize for falling out and in love, Yukhei. Yes, what you did was a dick move, and I probably won't forgive you for it. But no, I know that it was most likely timing against all of us, and that I had simply gotten too boring for you while Jungwoo was something new and exciting. I'm not trying to make you the bad guy; I'm not trying to make anyone that bad guy. All I wished was for you to at least break things off before Jungwoo became a part of my life, too." 

 

"Mark-" 

 

"Goodnight, Yukhei. Get home safely." 

 

Then, Mark closed the door. 

 

He felt a bit better after speaking, but his heart was still cracked and shattered -- a feelings he knew in his chest that would never heal. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing i've ever posted on here hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahhh death pls accept me


End file.
